How Retelling One Experience From Different Viewpoints Builds Empathy

By Swathi Singh

Ask three children what happened during the same five minutes of cricket practice and you may hear three different stories.

One child may say the coach ignored him. Another may remember that the whole group was waiting for the drill to restart. A third may be more interested in the ball that rolled behind the equipment cupboard and held everyone up.

This does not necessarily mean that anyone is lying. Children notice different details because they are standing in different places, wanting different things and carrying different feelings into the moment.

There is a useful exercise hidden inside this everyday confusion. Once a child has told you what happened, ask them to revisit the same short moment through someone else's eyes. Done gently, this helps children notice the difference between what they saw and what they concluded. It also gives them a practical way to understand another person without being told that their own feelings were wrong.

Start with a small, shared moment

Do not begin with an entire school day or a long-running disagreement. Choose thirty seconds or a minute that more than one person experienced: two players reaching for the same ball, siblings arguing over a rule, a dance group missing a cue, or a teacher changing the order of a performance.

Small incidents work well because a child can look at them closely without feeling as though they are on trial.

Let your child tell their version first. I have found that children are far more willing to consider another view once they feel their own account has been heard. Resist the urge to correct details while they are speaking. When they finish, ask a few simple questions: Who was there? What was said aloud? What happened just before the difficult moment? What happened next?

These questions bring the conversation back to a scene that everyone could have observed.

What would a camera have recorded?

Children, like adults, move very quickly from an action to a meaning. "She walked away while I was speaking" becomes "She does not care what I think." The first sentence describes something that happened. The second is an interpretation, and there may be more than one.

Try making two columns on a sheet of paper. In the first, write only what a camera and microphone could have captured: words, movements, timing and place. In the second, write what each person may have thought or felt.

Suppose a child says, "The coach was angry with me." The camera may have recorded the coach blowing a whistle, pointing towards the line and speaking loudly. The child may have felt blamed. Another player may have thought the coach was trying to be heard across the ground. It is also possible that the coach had noticed a safety issue.

We do not need to choose an explanation immediately. The child's embarrassment or hurt can be real even when the coach's intention is not yet clear. Learning to leave that small gap between observation and conclusion is valuable in itself.

Borrow another person's view

Now ask the child to tell the same half-minute as somebody else who was present. Four or five sentences are enough. They might begin, "I was the coach, and I could see the next group waiting," or, "I was the teammate, and I thought we had both heard the same instruction."

If they get stuck, ask what that person could see from where they were standing. What did they want to happen next? What might they not have known?

Children sometimes think that taking another viewpoint means finding an excuse for poor behaviour. It does not. They are allowed to say, "Perhaps she was in a hurry, but I cannot know," or, "He may not have seen me waiting." Words such as *perhaps*, *may* and *I am not sure* help children imagine another version without pretending that they can read someone's mind.

Let the body do some of the work

Not every child finds the right words while sitting across a table. Acting out the moment can make the change in viewpoint easier to understand.

Replay the scene twice and ask the child to change position or role. Could they hear the same words from the other side of the room? Did a gesture look different? Was one person trying to watch several things at once?

A mirroring game encourages close attention to another person's movement. A frozen group picture can reveal who was at the centre of the action and who was left at the edge. Even gibberish dialogue can be useful because children must read tone, expression and posture instead of relying on the words.

Shashank Shekhar shares several accessible examples in his guide to theatre games that build listening, confidence and imagination, including the Mirror Exercise, Gibberish and Tableau. Games like these can bring out details that a written retelling misses, especially for children who think more easily through movement.

Afterwards, ask one question: what changed when you stood where the other person stood?

Understanding is not the same as agreeing

This part matters. A child should not hear, "The other person had a reason, so you should not be upset."

They can understand why a teammate became impatient and still say that the words were hurtful. They can recognise that a teacher was under pressure and still ask why a decision was made. Looking at another viewpoint adds information; it does not remove boundaries or consequences.

I would bring the conversation back to three things: what may have made sense to the other person, what effect their action had, and what either person could do differently next time. That keeps the exercise fair. It also moves the child from guessing motives towards thinking about responsibility and repair.

Put the three versions side by side

For a simple home activity, divide a page into three panels.

In the first panel, the child records what they experienced, wanted and felt. Do not tidy this version to make it sound more reasonable.

In the second, they tell the moment from another person's position, using only what that person could plausibly have known.

The final panel belongs to an observer. It includes actions, spoken words and sequence, but no private thoughts. Imagine that a camera and microphone were recording the scene.

The panels can be written, drawn, recorded as voice notes or acted out. Younger children may prefer stick figures and speech bubbles. Older children can notice how the details and emotional words change with each narrator.

At the end, circle one detail that appears in all three versions and another that appears in only one. The first gives the child something solid to return to. The second shows how much our position shapes the story we tell.

Use the exercise on good days too

Perspective-taking should not appear only when there has been an argument. A pass looks different to the player and the goalkeeper. A missed dance cue feels different to the performer and the instructor. An actor and a person in the audience may remember completely different parts of the same scene.

When families explore nearby children's classes and activities, they often ask, "Did you like it?" after a trial session. A more interesting conversation can begin with, "What did you notice?" Follow that by asking what the instructor was watching or how another beginner may have felt.

Family memories offer the same opportunity. Ask two relatives to describe a train journey, celebration or power cut. Children quickly notice that the accounts meet in some places and separate in others. Those differences are not mistakes that need to be removed. They show what each person noticed and remembered.

With practice, a child begins to say, "This is what I saw, this is what I assumed, and this is what the other person may have seen." That small change gives them more choices in a disagreement. They can listen without giving up their own voice, question an assumption before reacting, and look for a fairer next step.

One shared event can hold more than one honest account. Helping children place those accounts beside each other is a practical way to build empathy, and it starts with moments families already have every day.

About the Author

Swathi Singh writes for LyfSkills about practical ways parents can support children's learning, interests and everyday development.